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Probably 35-looking, average height, curly brown hair. Attractive enough to draw my attention. She was drinking a PBR which looked empty and I asked her if she wanted another one that was cold. A smiling nod from her and I turned back to the bar to get her one and quickly walked it back to her. I sucked at pick up lines and simply asked if I could join her for a bit. Another smile and we exchanged names and was soon playing shuffle board. I guess I was lost in the moment and when I turned around my buddies were gone.I am not a big drinker of beer. In fact, it was probably only the third time in my life I had more than two in an evening. The first was in Amsterdam at the Heineken Brewery after which I could not recall the name of the hotel in which I was staying and the name of the street it was on, how many canals I had crossed, etc. Luckily, the receipt was with my passport and a friendly police officer assisted the dumb American to the hotel. The second was at a place in Charleston. We buried her daddy a little over a year ago from dementia then a few months later I go down and my future is uncertain thus her future is uncertain. Yay, her!I’m expecting something that her life experience has never prepared her for. She’s terrified and doesn’t know whether she’s coming or going. She’s doing the best she can with what she has. For decades I have defined love as commitment partially because I realize that feelings change, partially because I understand commitment, and last but not least I don’t understand emotions well. Compassion is an emotion that may be the force behind a commitment but it is not a commitment itself. What if she doesn’t have it in her to keep her commitment to me no matter how hard she tries?There was a time when I once hunted a person the same way a hunter hunts a deer with the exact intention the hunter had for the deer because that person broke a commitment that made me lose face in front of the wrong people. Would that be the correct.
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